For those of you who have been faithfully following the news, the news is that there is no news. How long does it take to decide who is worthy of receiving money? It's already July and the Cambridge term starts in October. And still the jury has no verdict. One and a half years of uncertainty dogs me like a line of dismal shadows.
I will rant and rave. I have spent close to three months of my life in Rag Day preparations. It started out as an innocent effort to keep my Hall stay in NUS for the next year and has now turned into a full-blown, 24/7 commitment. I have made friends here. I love where I am now. And I want to see the float succeed. But I still can't be 100% sure that I'm staying. It's a one-in-a-thousand chance I'll get enough money to go--still enough to cause me to see everything with a shade of uncertainty.
Cambridge is a blur on the horizon, a distant shadowy place to me. Here is where the sun shines right now. It's been so long...sometimes I wonder if I just dreamt the whole thing up.
In a state of colour: the interminable grey of uncertainty.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
In the Land of White Cows
Brendon came to see me off at the airport, which was really nice of him as I don't exactly have family members to see me off. Apart from team members' parents, there were random Heartbeaters and cell members, as well as the missions mistress Elaine and the two hospitality ladies Pei Shan and Amanda. A large and grand send-off, Heartbeat style, where the sending party is normally about three times the size of the one leaving.
Had a lovely surprise when Brendon presented me with a maroon hardcover NIV before I left. Can't believe he paid so much attention to what I said in cell about my dilapidated Bible and not having the time to get a new one before the mission trip--right down to the colour. I am inspired to be a a more attentive cell leader to my own cell. My mind wanders to distant corners far too often these days, sometimes even during conversations.
Had a nasty shock just after liftoff when I discovered that the coleslaw Elaine had stuffed into my bag was leaking...all over my two most precious Bibles. The Alkitab and the new maroon Bible were not spared. Lucas and I spent the next half an hour cleaning up my bag and Bibles. It was a good bonding time, what with Lucas and I having to carefully manouevre the coleslaw container out and using a ton of napkins to soak up the damage. And in the end the Bibles escaped unscathed though they smelt a little of cabbage and mayo for a while. I've since found Lucas to be a great help anytime; he's been a wonderful brother-in-Christ to have on the trip.
In that one week our days consisted generally of a morning worship and devotions, followed by breakfast before meeting the church staff to begin ministry. We would spend the first day walking about the neighbourhood inviting people to the church for an event (the staff there call it "outreach") and then the second day would be the outreach itself. Our first outreach was in the main church in Phnom Penh, so we went about the neighbourhood inviting the youth. On Saturday we had the "outreach," which started with games for the youth, followed by worship songs and performances and a message by Reverend Tiet Heng. The message was in Khmer and I had to crane my neck to hear Nitha, the church staff attached to my team, translating for us.
Photos taken by Linus.
Nitha and Pisay were the two ladies in charge of orientating the team. Without them, we would have been at a loss, as they did all the translation. For the next few days we did the same outreach, but in different locations that took about an hour of travel in the back of the church truck. The back of the truck is where the most cultural exchange took place. We taught icebreaker games like Big Fish Small Fish (the Khmer version: trai tom trai toudh) and Zero Zero Seven Bang! (som som praam bang!) while they taught us Fruit to Fruit and the Khmer version of Blow Wind Blow. Fruit to Fruit proved gut-wrenchingly hilarious, as we each took the name of a fruit and had to pronounce it without showing our teeth. The game is played by calling from fruit to fruit. For instance, if I am a pineapple I start the game by saying "pineapple to durian," and durian continues by calling out to another fruit, "durian to coconut,"and so on. The game is funny in itself but adding in a forfeit for those who laugh makes it a great party game. Jimmy evoked the most laughs with his face tightly drawn to say "coconut." With his lips pulled over his teeth, he looked and sounded like a real-life muppet.
In the outlying villages we found that just about everyone farms, owns either cows, chicken, dogs or all three (and sometimes ducks). 98% of cows are white (or they used to be, but turned greyish brown from dirt), with only several brown or black ones. 100% of cows are skinny and haggard creatures. Their lack of fat makes them agile. We saw one scratching its face with a hoof, as if it were a dog. Speaking about dogs, their dogs seem to be of a fairly homogenous breed too. There were many of a generic black short and stiff fur, apart from the common pedigree types from pet shops. I reckon I mention this simply because I find it interesting compared to the dearth of animals in Singapore and KL where I come from. Although there was this huge goat with a bell about its throat that used to wander the streets in my neighbourhood...
The people are in general very friendly, but also shy with foreigners. Many of the children keep their distance but come as close as they can to satisfy their curiosity. We got sweets to give to them, and even then, they only crowded round us if they were in a large group of at least ten. Otherwise they stayed at arm's length at all times. Many children and families live on the streets. They simply sleep on mats on the pavement or in hammocks. The weather, apart from rainy days, is mild enough for them to survive, unlike in temperate regions, but even then it is not safe to do so especially for street children unprotected by adults.
The saddest thing I saw was a street kid who bumped into Linus and started beating up Linus' bag--for no apparent reason. He barely reached Linus' knee. Then he turned his fists on someone else in the group, ended up swiping air, and wandered off completely tuned out of reality. He couldn't have been more than six, but he seemed to be high on something.
Half of Cambodia's population consists of youth--due in part to the shadow of the Khmer Rouge that has left hardly any family untouched. Nitha and Rev. Tiet Hieng both had stories to tell. Imagine a man who, caught by the Khmer Rouge, denies his wife and children in order to save them from imprisonment. His wife, up to this day, cries when she thinks of him as she has never found out what happened to him. Their last words were not goodbyes but fearful looks and loud cries denying any relationship with each other. Those were Nitha's grandparents.The Khmer Rouge had a policy of total wipe-out; they would destroy entire clans and even close friends of those connected to the supposed anti-revolutionary. Rev Tiet Hieng lost all his siblings to the red scourge.
So here are youth who live on barebone education. According to Rev, students and teachers alike attend school as and when they please--even in Phnom Penh. The pay is low and corruption is rife, resulting in an almost non-existent public education system. Many of the youth I met had a burning desire to learn English, but there is a lack of qualified English teachers there. Knowing English is the best way out of poverty for them, as it allows them to take up lucrative jobs in the tourism industry.
And that is the land of white cows and paddy fields in seven days. More personal reflections later.
Had a lovely surprise when Brendon presented me with a maroon hardcover NIV before I left. Can't believe he paid so much attention to what I said in cell about my dilapidated Bible and not having the time to get a new one before the mission trip--right down to the colour. I am inspired to be a a more attentive cell leader to my own cell. My mind wanders to distant corners far too often these days, sometimes even during conversations.
Had a nasty shock just after liftoff when I discovered that the coleslaw Elaine had stuffed into my bag was leaking...all over my two most precious Bibles. The Alkitab and the new maroon Bible were not spared. Lucas and I spent the next half an hour cleaning up my bag and Bibles. It was a good bonding time, what with Lucas and I having to carefully manouevre the coleslaw container out and using a ton of napkins to soak up the damage. And in the end the Bibles escaped unscathed though they smelt a little of cabbage and mayo for a while. I've since found Lucas to be a great help anytime; he's been a wonderful brother-in-Christ to have on the trip.
In that one week our days consisted generally of a morning worship and devotions, followed by breakfast before meeting the church staff to begin ministry. We would spend the first day walking about the neighbourhood inviting people to the church for an event (the staff there call it "outreach") and then the second day would be the outreach itself. Our first outreach was in the main church in Phnom Penh, so we went about the neighbourhood inviting the youth. On Saturday we had the "outreach," which started with games for the youth, followed by worship songs and performances and a message by Reverend Tiet Heng. The message was in Khmer and I had to crane my neck to hear Nitha, the church staff attached to my team, translating for us.
Photos taken by Linus.
Nitha and Pisay were the two ladies in charge of orientating the team. Without them, we would have been at a loss, as they did all the translation. For the next few days we did the same outreach, but in different locations that took about an hour of travel in the back of the church truck. The back of the truck is where the most cultural exchange took place. We taught icebreaker games like Big Fish Small Fish (the Khmer version: trai tom trai toudh) and Zero Zero Seven Bang! (som som praam bang!) while they taught us Fruit to Fruit and the Khmer version of Blow Wind Blow. Fruit to Fruit proved gut-wrenchingly hilarious, as we each took the name of a fruit and had to pronounce it without showing our teeth. The game is played by calling from fruit to fruit. For instance, if I am a pineapple I start the game by saying "pineapple to durian," and durian continues by calling out to another fruit, "durian to coconut,"and so on. The game is funny in itself but adding in a forfeit for those who laugh makes it a great party game. Jimmy evoked the most laughs with his face tightly drawn to say "coconut." With his lips pulled over his teeth, he looked and sounded like a real-life muppet.
In the outlying villages we found that just about everyone farms, owns either cows, chicken, dogs or all three (and sometimes ducks). 98% of cows are white (or they used to be, but turned greyish brown from dirt), with only several brown or black ones. 100% of cows are skinny and haggard creatures. Their lack of fat makes them agile. We saw one scratching its face with a hoof, as if it were a dog. Speaking about dogs, their dogs seem to be of a fairly homogenous breed too. There were many of a generic black short and stiff fur, apart from the common pedigree types from pet shops. I reckon I mention this simply because I find it interesting compared to the dearth of animals in Singapore and KL where I come from. Although there was this huge goat with a bell about its throat that used to wander the streets in my neighbourhood...
The people are in general very friendly, but also shy with foreigners. Many of the children keep their distance but come as close as they can to satisfy their curiosity. We got sweets to give to them, and even then, they only crowded round us if they were in a large group of at least ten. Otherwise they stayed at arm's length at all times. Many children and families live on the streets. They simply sleep on mats on the pavement or in hammocks. The weather, apart from rainy days, is mild enough for them to survive, unlike in temperate regions, but even then it is not safe to do so especially for street children unprotected by adults.
The saddest thing I saw was a street kid who bumped into Linus and started beating up Linus' bag--for no apparent reason. He barely reached Linus' knee. Then he turned his fists on someone else in the group, ended up swiping air, and wandered off completely tuned out of reality. He couldn't have been more than six, but he seemed to be high on something.
Half of Cambodia's population consists of youth--due in part to the shadow of the Khmer Rouge that has left hardly any family untouched. Nitha and Rev. Tiet Hieng both had stories to tell. Imagine a man who, caught by the Khmer Rouge, denies his wife and children in order to save them from imprisonment. His wife, up to this day, cries when she thinks of him as she has never found out what happened to him. Their last words were not goodbyes but fearful looks and loud cries denying any relationship with each other. Those were Nitha's grandparents.The Khmer Rouge had a policy of total wipe-out; they would destroy entire clans and even close friends of those connected to the supposed anti-revolutionary. Rev Tiet Hieng lost all his siblings to the red scourge.
So here are youth who live on barebone education. According to Rev, students and teachers alike attend school as and when they please--even in Phnom Penh. The pay is low and corruption is rife, resulting in an almost non-existent public education system. Many of the youth I met had a burning desire to learn English, but there is a lack of qualified English teachers there. Knowing English is the best way out of poverty for them, as it allows them to take up lucrative jobs in the tourism industry.
And that is the land of white cows and paddy fields in seven days. More personal reflections later.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Why I No Longer Watch TV Dramas
Who needs to, when we have first class entertainment from Malaysia's most celebrated performers in the political circle? The latest drama beats anything Hollywood scriptwriters could come up with: Najib accused (and not just implicated) in the latest revelation of the Altantuya case. What a way to stun the audience, when the previous episode was focused entirely on fresh sodomy allegations against Anwar. In the same day, the PI who made the statutory declaration withdraws it in a second statutory declaration, citing that the former was made under duress. Which one, I wonder, was made under duress? The PKR has sufficient bullying power to force a PI to fabricate evidence against the second-most powerful man in Malaysia of corruption? And why did he appear perturbed only after the second declaration, if it was the first one that was made under duress?
A rally to protest against fuel price hikes is set to take place in Petaling Jaya on Sunday. 1 million people are expected to gather in a padang slightly larger than a soccer pitch. Amidst the many revelations of this past week, the crowd will have no shortage of things to protest against.
A rally to protest against fuel price hikes is set to take place in Petaling Jaya on Sunday. 1 million people are expected to gather in a padang slightly larger than a soccer pitch. Amidst the many revelations of this past week, the crowd will have no shortage of things to protest against.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
a ramble
Taking a bit of a breather back home right now. I feel rather bad about it as the Raggers must still be working on their float. But, but...my dad is asking his regular IT dude if he has old keyboards in his shop. I already have one. Gonna pluck out the keys tonight and bring them over in a bag. The things I do for Rag. I wonder if I will cry should our float not win. But then, there are about ten different titles up for grabs and then the Overall Champion's trophy. If we won two or three I would be happy.
Thought I was coming back on Tuesday but it turns out my dad bought a bus ticket for Wednesday because my aunt is taking me to watch singing cutlery on Tuesday night...and there's also this rosie-cheeked French lass in a Malaysian secondary school uniform falling in love with a Beast, of course. But, singing cutlery...can a love story between a pretty girl and a guy under a curse compare? Yeah, so I'm watching the musical version of Beauty and the Beast. I had no idea it was based on the Disney version until I saw a photo in The Star with Mrs. Potts and Chip looking exactly like they did in the Disney cartoon. Beauty is in that blue pinafore and white blouse too. Seems promising. I wonder what the set will look like. I love musicals for their lavish set, costumes and melodrama. The legacy of nineteenth century theater pared down to tasteful finery--well, for the most part, at least.
Speaking about melodrama, Malaysia has found itself in a rerun of the 1998 sodomy drama. Talk about a lack of originality. This time the allegation is a little too hard to swallow, as the accusation does not come from a third party but from the victim himself, a young man of 23 who could not fend off an old man over 60 years of age, and who absorbed the trauma for about 48 hours before deciding it was time to lodge a report. Was he spiked? The numbers don't add up. The previous convictions have already been overturned, so what is this young man hoping to gain by returning to square one? Turning Malaysia into a global laughing stock?
What an admissions interviewer from a foreign university once said to me when I said I considered politics a career option: from the little that I know, Malaysian politics is a doghouse. Yes it is. The ones with the most bite wins. We have seen this to be true in history. When UMNO lost the general elections in 1969, "spontaneous" riots broke out between the races across several locations in KL. Of course after that, a state of emergency had to be called and Parliament, which at that time consisted of a non-UMNO majority, had to be dissolved. When elections could be called again, UMNO won the majority and has never lost since. More recently, the unfortunate SPPP MPs failed to turn up in Parliament for procedures to table a no-confidence vote against Pak Lah as they had received threatening phone calls. Even if "it's not something we (BN) do," as Najib has had to say repeatedly these past few months, it is something supporters of Pak Lah and UMNO do. So mafia. Wish they had more sense than to bring bad publicity to their own party.
And that last bit brings me to another instance of silly people bringing down their own party: people do still think that certain parties of the UMNO Youth Wing started the 1969 riots. I began to wonder if the allegations had truth in them when UMNO members gave their impassioned "keris" speeches, saying that they would shed blood to protect their rights, that they had done it before (referring very obviously to 1969) and did not fear to do it again. A complete waste of rhetoric. I wonder that their colleagues didn't use ISA on them to stop them from linking UMNO to the race riots of 1969. That's normally what ISA is for isn't it? A silencer of people who implicate the ruling party in matters that would turn the vote against it. And here we have politicians like Hishamuddin waving his keris around and pretty much saying, "Yes, UMNO was completely responsible for the race riots of 1969 and we're proud of it!" And Pak Lah says to us, "nemmind, it's ok lah. Get used to it. Stay cool." *Benign grandfatherly smile*
And so we turn over five states to the opposition in retaliation and pat ourselves on the back for it. So much more has to be done. The states that are not in the federal government's hands will most certainly face budget problems, and may not be able to implement programs to the satisfaction of its denizens within the next five years. It will be a test of collective perseverance in the matter to re-elect the opposition despite the squeeze. The opposition also needs to prove its ability to stand to its own creed by implementing colour-blind poverty alleviation programmes. Micro-management will have to be tight as the bias in these programs don't necessarily come out of the broad-based policies but out of the internal networks of corruption, cronyism and nepotism that taint the petty officials all the way up to the executive level. It's a friend-help-friend kind of world, and friend often means people of the same colour as you. And in case you're thinking of Malay civil servants in particular, I say that this applies to everybody. We are under a vicious cycle of insecurity and prejudice that rains fear on us all. Someone has to yield first, has to forgive first, has to trust first though they are liable to get hurt in the process of forging the relationship. And that someone has to count the cost, because mistakes will be made, intentions will be misunderstood, until that trust is built. No system or power-play in politics can replace that.
And to end in a completely unconventional manner, that is one reason I am convinced that there is a God who loves. I have not seen any team work better than a team where people can trust and forgive each other, put each other first and choose to serve rather than lead. These are all principles Jesus practiced, ultimately by giving his life on the cross in order to be an example to us and to set us free to do the same. Carrying our cross then is extending forgiveness which means giving up our right to defend and vindicate ourselves for our hurts. It is giving others what they want rather than taking power to demand that the world revolves around our desires. It is about extending grace, not about dealing out what we think others deserve.
So, would the Church in Malaysia be able to extend graciousness by helping to alleviate Malay poverty and not just Chinese or Indian poverty? Not with any agenda to convert people, but just extending a hand of mercy as commanded by Christ. Would we be allowed? I don't know. It's not as if many have tried.
Thus ends my completely rambly reflection which started with singing teapots and ended with hopes for Christian-Muslim relations. Initially I wanted to divide my posts between a blog for spiritual reflections, political reflections, and random daily life events, but they merge seamlessly in my thoughts so I have decided not to compartmentalise my thoughts for now. They shall require more discipline soon, though. Imagine a university essay rambling about the wilderness of my thoughts in this manner. The prof would just drop dead, I think.
Thought I was coming back on Tuesday but it turns out my dad bought a bus ticket for Wednesday because my aunt is taking me to watch singing cutlery on Tuesday night...and there's also this rosie-cheeked French lass in a Malaysian secondary school uniform falling in love with a Beast, of course. But, singing cutlery...can a love story between a pretty girl and a guy under a curse compare? Yeah, so I'm watching the musical version of Beauty and the Beast. I had no idea it was based on the Disney version until I saw a photo in The Star with Mrs. Potts and Chip looking exactly like they did in the Disney cartoon. Beauty is in that blue pinafore and white blouse too. Seems promising. I wonder what the set will look like. I love musicals for their lavish set, costumes and melodrama. The legacy of nineteenth century theater pared down to tasteful finery--well, for the most part, at least.
Speaking about melodrama, Malaysia has found itself in a rerun of the 1998 sodomy drama. Talk about a lack of originality. This time the allegation is a little too hard to swallow, as the accusation does not come from a third party but from the victim himself, a young man of 23 who could not fend off an old man over 60 years of age, and who absorbed the trauma for about 48 hours before deciding it was time to lodge a report. Was he spiked? The numbers don't add up. The previous convictions have already been overturned, so what is this young man hoping to gain by returning to square one? Turning Malaysia into a global laughing stock?
What an admissions interviewer from a foreign university once said to me when I said I considered politics a career option: from the little that I know, Malaysian politics is a doghouse. Yes it is. The ones with the most bite wins. We have seen this to be true in history. When UMNO lost the general elections in 1969, "spontaneous" riots broke out between the races across several locations in KL. Of course after that, a state of emergency had to be called and Parliament, which at that time consisted of a non-UMNO majority, had to be dissolved. When elections could be called again, UMNO won the majority and has never lost since. More recently, the unfortunate SPPP MPs failed to turn up in Parliament for procedures to table a no-confidence vote against Pak Lah as they had received threatening phone calls. Even if "it's not something we (BN) do," as Najib has had to say repeatedly these past few months, it is something supporters of Pak Lah and UMNO do. So mafia. Wish they had more sense than to bring bad publicity to their own party.
And that last bit brings me to another instance of silly people bringing down their own party: people do still think that certain parties of the UMNO Youth Wing started the 1969 riots. I began to wonder if the allegations had truth in them when UMNO members gave their impassioned "keris" speeches, saying that they would shed blood to protect their rights, that they had done it before (referring very obviously to 1969) and did not fear to do it again. A complete waste of rhetoric. I wonder that their colleagues didn't use ISA on them to stop them from linking UMNO to the race riots of 1969. That's normally what ISA is for isn't it? A silencer of people who implicate the ruling party in matters that would turn the vote against it. And here we have politicians like Hishamuddin waving his keris around and pretty much saying, "Yes, UMNO was completely responsible for the race riots of 1969 and we're proud of it!" And Pak Lah says to us, "nemmind, it's ok lah. Get used to it. Stay cool." *Benign grandfatherly smile*
And so we turn over five states to the opposition in retaliation and pat ourselves on the back for it. So much more has to be done. The states that are not in the federal government's hands will most certainly face budget problems, and may not be able to implement programs to the satisfaction of its denizens within the next five years. It will be a test of collective perseverance in the matter to re-elect the opposition despite the squeeze. The opposition also needs to prove its ability to stand to its own creed by implementing colour-blind poverty alleviation programmes. Micro-management will have to be tight as the bias in these programs don't necessarily come out of the broad-based policies but out of the internal networks of corruption, cronyism and nepotism that taint the petty officials all the way up to the executive level. It's a friend-help-friend kind of world, and friend often means people of the same colour as you. And in case you're thinking of Malay civil servants in particular, I say that this applies to everybody. We are under a vicious cycle of insecurity and prejudice that rains fear on us all. Someone has to yield first, has to forgive first, has to trust first though they are liable to get hurt in the process of forging the relationship. And that someone has to count the cost, because mistakes will be made, intentions will be misunderstood, until that trust is built. No system or power-play in politics can replace that.
And to end in a completely unconventional manner, that is one reason I am convinced that there is a God who loves. I have not seen any team work better than a team where people can trust and forgive each other, put each other first and choose to serve rather than lead. These are all principles Jesus practiced, ultimately by giving his life on the cross in order to be an example to us and to set us free to do the same. Carrying our cross then is extending forgiveness which means giving up our right to defend and vindicate ourselves for our hurts. It is giving others what they want rather than taking power to demand that the world revolves around our desires. It is about extending grace, not about dealing out what we think others deserve.
So, would the Church in Malaysia be able to extend graciousness by helping to alleviate Malay poverty and not just Chinese or Indian poverty? Not with any agenda to convert people, but just extending a hand of mercy as commanded by Christ. Would we be allowed? I don't know. It's not as if many have tried.
Thus ends my completely rambly reflection which started with singing teapots and ended with hopes for Christian-Muslim relations. Initially I wanted to divide my posts between a blog for spiritual reflections, political reflections, and random daily life events, but they merge seamlessly in my thoughts so I have decided not to compartmentalise my thoughts for now. They shall require more discipline soon, though. Imagine a university essay rambling about the wilderness of my thoughts in this manner. The prof would just drop dead, I think.
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